Can someone explain to me why tradesmen (in particular - though the phenomenon is probably not limited to them), feel that it is absolutely necessary to demonise and bully the apprentices under their control?
Please don't tell me that it's just the way it is, that it "builds character" and allows young people to learn confict resolution skills. 'Cos that's just bullshit! It shouldn't be, it doesn't and it absolutely doesn't. All it does is drive young people out of trades, and perpetuates a cycle of bullying that should not be allowed to continue.
When I started as an apprentice chef (back in the dark ages), I was bullied mercilessly by the 4th year I was hired to ultimately replace (once he qualified and became unaffordable). His rationale (and he was quite open about it), was that he had been treated like shit, now he had the power, and he was going to make me every bit as miserable as he had been. WTF? First I took up smoking to relieve the stress (yes I was young and stupid - as apprentices are wont to be), then left altogether, never completing my apprenticeship. There were additional reasons for my chucking it in, but the culture of bullying was the predominant one. 30 years down the track, not only is this still going on, but it appears to be considered perfectly acceptable.
Admittedly my first hand knowledge is centred on hospitality and in particular chefs. I don't doubt that there is a similar problem in other trades and industries, just as I don't doubt that there are qualified tradies whose aim is to actually get the best from their apprentices without these ridiculous tactics. Sadly, I think that most chefs will employ these hard-arsed tactics. It's unnecessary and given the already difficult nature of the industry (unsociable hours, crap pay, etc,), completely unacceptable.
Only what the hell do you do about it? Apprentices don't have a union. The private apprenticeship mob who looks after The Brat (yeah in case you hadn't guessed , this is about The Brat), will always take the side of the employer - because without the employer they don't make any money. As a parent, I feel infuriated and helpless. How do I deal with this? How do I cope with my kid being miserable in a job, when he really likes the actual work and is potentially good enough to reach the top of his field.
I have employed the usual platitudes - "Don't let it get to you", "It's wrong, but that's the way this industry is and you have to learn to live by their screwed up rules", " You'll be qualified in 15 months, keep your head down, don't give them an excuse, you'll get through it". It's all crap! He shouldn't have to put up with it. I have brought him up to stand up for himself against bullies, and now as he becomes a young man, I tell him to throw his upbringing out the window, and just shut up and take it! Again WTF?
The Brat is a good kid. He's clever, he's funny, he has impeccable manners (when the situation warrants it), and he will do anything for anyone. He's also quick tempered, a bit (okay a lot) of a smartarse, sometimes drinks too much, and sometimes gets aggressive, (not related to drinking too much, and he is not prone to violence against other people - only walls and windows and the like). When a chef tells him that he wants to punch him in the face, he responds with "so fuckin do it fuckhead". This leads to a written warning for unprofessionalism and lack of respect for senior staff. WTF? Do you respect anyone who threatens to punch you in the face? Why does the chef who makes the threat (and make no mistake this is a threat) have no consequences. What do any of them hope to achieve? It's not going to make him a better Chef, it won't improve his cooking skills, or teach him how to handle staff, or how to order and maintain stock, or any of the myriad other skills he will need to become a professional in his chosen field. So what's the fucking point?
More importantly..... how do we deal with it? The Brat is 18, a year ago I had the power to intervene because he was a minor (I didn't until the situation became dangerous, by the way!). Now unless specifically invited by one or more of the parties involved, I have to keep my nose out of it. I don't want to fight The Brats battles for him anyway, as I said I have brought him up to stand up for himself (without violence). Kinda makes me think it's my fault really, if I hadn't, he might be more inclined to just take the crap that's dished out, which by the way wouldn't reduce the bullying, but might lessen the consequences of "answering back". FFS he's not a 5 year old being told to clean his room and giving Mum a mouthful of cheek. He's a young adult, trying to learn a trade and make an honest living, and learn how to get on in the world. A world full of contradictions and confusion.
Here's a scenario:
The Brat works 10 am to 10 pm (ish). He gets a 2 - 3 hour break if he's lucky. During that time he goes to the pub, and has a couple of drinks. Later that day he injures himself badly with a knife. Emergency room staff stitching him up smell alcohol, and report it, thus voiding any possible workcover claim, and losing him his job. He's fucked! But he doesn't understand why, because on his first day in the job, Chef took him to the pub and bought him drinks! And that's not the only time either. How do you convince this young man that this is how it's going to play out. Surely if that was the case, Chef would never have taken him to the pub, thus implying that it was okay to have a few drinks during the working day, then go back to work and play with knives and fire and potentially explodey things. Guess what? Chef will deny all, point to the line on The Brat's contract that forbids alcohol consumption, and escape any consequences. The Brat is Fucked.
Chefs and other tradies/bosses or anyone responsible for teaching a young person, need to take responsibility. Chef, this is my kids life you are screwing with. YOU spend more time with him than I do. Treating him like shit is not going to build his character. It's going to make him angry, and resentful. A handy coping mechanism will be alcohol (mine was nicotine), I already see it.... after a particularly shitty day, he feels like he needs to drink to drown it out. That's fucking scary folks! It's also NOT a behaviour he learned in the home, just in case you believe those government sponsored advertisements that would have you believe that your drinking habits are the reason your child/ren will be problem drinkers. (If that theory held water, The Brat would be a smoker, and would have a drink maybe once or twice a year on special occasions).
Help me out here folks, I'd be particularly interested in hearing the other side of the story if anyone's keen.
About Me
- Mayhem
- Single Mum of teenage chef, affectionately known as The Brat. Have started a new life at the tender age of 44, embarking on a relationship with my childhood sweetheart... I know cliche central, but so far it works for us! New job, new friends, new challenges. Life's GOOD!
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Friday, January 8, 2010
It's not all about YOU!
Yes, I am pissed off that he didn't talk to me about what's going on, and I let him know it.
I'm pissed off that he DID tell his sister some of what he's feeling, which she duly passed on to me, which he knew she would. Apparently, despite initiating a discussion about which of us is going to move so we can be together, (last time I was in Melbourne), when the subject came up in conversation again once I was home, he freaked out. "She's talking about moving down here" he wailed to his sister. Sounds like cold feet to me.
Look, I have known this guy most of my life, and have had strong feelings for him since day 1. There have been times when he has treated me not terribly well, and I have basically just walked away. This time is different somehow. Maybe it's because I'm getting older, and lonely, but I think that there is obviously SOMETHING (an evil sprite perhaps) that keeps pulling us together time after time.
My decision to move back to Melbourne is definitely in a large part because of him. BUT it's not ALL about him. (As his sister told him none too gently). I lived in Melbourne throughout my adolescence. I moved to Brisbane with my family when I was 21, and hated it, so moved back. Once I fell pregnant with The Brat, I came home for family support, but as a single Mum, who has seen first hand the traps that many single Mums fall into, I pretty much put The Brat ahead of everything else for 18 years, including my own interests and friendships. I concentrated on working, studying and trying to be the best Mum I could be, so that my son didn't end up a statistic (you know the one.... in trouble with the Police, well he's from a sole parent family, what do you expect). I have a couple of very good friends, but my social circle has mainly consisted of Basketball parents. Now that The Brat rarely plays (due to work) or if he does play, parents are now no longer necessary, (for transport, support etc.), my social life (if you could ever have called it that), is much diminished.
In Melbourne, I have 2 of my sisters, one sister-in-law, and a niece and nephew. I also have a large group of school and work friends. Now yes, we have all moved on with our lives, there are partners and kids and careers, so it's not like I expect that I can just slot back in to the same sort of social scene we had as kids. BUT, it seems there is more chance of me having some sort of life down there than here. I will miss The Brat enormously, but let's face it, he wants and needs to cut the apron strings. As he should! I love my parents, but the idea that my social life revolves around them scares the hell out of me. I DO worry, that Mum will have some difficulty when I leave, because of Dad's multiple health problems, but as I pointed out to one of my sisters, I shouldn't have to be responsible for them, not entirely and certainly not alone. My parents had 5 children, one has just informed the family by mail, that she is changing her name by deed poll, changing her contact details, and appointing an intermediary in case we need to contact her. My brother is bipolar. He is very supportive, if Dad's in hospital he cooks for Mum, looks after the house and dog while they are away, and has taken over virtually all of the house and yard maintenance (which, by the way they pay him for). Unfortunately his illness can and does cause problems. My other 2 sisters as you know are in Melbourne, and removed from the daily drama that has always been a part of our family life. That's the way they like it. That leaves me! I've just spent the last nearly 20 years being responsible for someone else, I'm not prepared to spend the next 20 being responsible for my parents and brother (as his illness will inevitably require). If my sisters are worried, then they should move back here and share the load. If that's selfish, so be it.
I am also unhappy in my job. When I started here it was awesome. I was learning new things, had the opportunity to study, and got along very well with my boss and his wife. Earlier this year that changed. I made a few mistakes, which I owned and learned from. I had been six months in the job, and was expected to be perfect. The boss has been 25 years in this industry and stuffs up, but I'm not allowed to. That annoys me more than a little. Sure, if something major goes wrong, it's his licence and business on the line, but if that happens it's just as likely to be his screw up as mine. Apart from that I just can't handle spending so much time alone. I am looking for another job. Financially it's likely that I will need to wait until later in the year to move, but I don't want to miss the perfect opportunity because it comes up a couple of months before I anticipate the move. If it happens sooner than planned, then I will cope. I usually do.
So, the above ramblings are some of the reasons I want to move back to Melbourne. I am not kidding myself, I know that the largest part of this is to do with my man. However, I don't plan to move down there and move in with him, or take over his life, or be joined at the hip with him 24/7. I DO want to find out if we have a chance at a proper relationship. I'm NOT going to be his booty call for the next 25 years. I don't think we can have any sort of relationship when we are so far apart. So I will go to Melbourne again in March, and we will have a discussion (unless he makes it up here before then, which he says he is trying to do). I can't do this over the phone. I think we need to sit down and have a proper discussion. I have asked his sisters not to get too involved in this. They are both reeaaallly pissed off with him over the Christmas fiasco, and both of us have talked to them about what's going on, but we need to do this ourselves, not via his sisters, (even though they are both on my side and will certainly slap him upside the head if I give them the word).
The main thing is I suppose, that I need to be happy. I deserve to have a life that is my own. I don't want to be lonely and bitter and twisted, and blame everybody else in my life for the fact that I'm unhappy. It won't be my son's fault, or my sisters' or my parents, or even this man's. My happiness and fulfilment are MY responsibility, and I will TAKE responsibility. If I don't do what I think will make me happy, then I don't deserve to be happy.
So yes gentle reader, the discussions will happen. If they don't go the way I would like, well that's just another area of my life I will need to spring clean. If he runs a mile in the opposite direction, well, that won't stop me moving to Melbourne. It's where I want to be, and where I think I can be happy, with or without him.
I'm pissed off that he DID tell his sister some of what he's feeling, which she duly passed on to me, which he knew she would. Apparently, despite initiating a discussion about which of us is going to move so we can be together, (last time I was in Melbourne), when the subject came up in conversation again once I was home, he freaked out. "She's talking about moving down here" he wailed to his sister. Sounds like cold feet to me.
Look, I have known this guy most of my life, and have had strong feelings for him since day 1. There have been times when he has treated me not terribly well, and I have basically just walked away. This time is different somehow. Maybe it's because I'm getting older, and lonely, but I think that there is obviously SOMETHING (an evil sprite perhaps) that keeps pulling us together time after time.
My decision to move back to Melbourne is definitely in a large part because of him. BUT it's not ALL about him. (As his sister told him none too gently). I lived in Melbourne throughout my adolescence. I moved to Brisbane with my family when I was 21, and hated it, so moved back. Once I fell pregnant with The Brat, I came home for family support, but as a single Mum, who has seen first hand the traps that many single Mums fall into, I pretty much put The Brat ahead of everything else for 18 years, including my own interests and friendships. I concentrated on working, studying and trying to be the best Mum I could be, so that my son didn't end up a statistic (you know the one.... in trouble with the Police, well he's from a sole parent family, what do you expect). I have a couple of very good friends, but my social circle has mainly consisted of Basketball parents. Now that The Brat rarely plays (due to work) or if he does play, parents are now no longer necessary, (for transport, support etc.), my social life (if you could ever have called it that), is much diminished.
In Melbourne, I have 2 of my sisters, one sister-in-law, and a niece and nephew. I also have a large group of school and work friends. Now yes, we have all moved on with our lives, there are partners and kids and careers, so it's not like I expect that I can just slot back in to the same sort of social scene we had as kids. BUT, it seems there is more chance of me having some sort of life down there than here. I will miss The Brat enormously, but let's face it, he wants and needs to cut the apron strings. As he should! I love my parents, but the idea that my social life revolves around them scares the hell out of me. I DO worry, that Mum will have some difficulty when I leave, because of Dad's multiple health problems, but as I pointed out to one of my sisters, I shouldn't have to be responsible for them, not entirely and certainly not alone. My parents had 5 children, one has just informed the family by mail, that she is changing her name by deed poll, changing her contact details, and appointing an intermediary in case we need to contact her. My brother is bipolar. He is very supportive, if Dad's in hospital he cooks for Mum, looks after the house and dog while they are away, and has taken over virtually all of the house and yard maintenance (which, by the way they pay him for). Unfortunately his illness can and does cause problems. My other 2 sisters as you know are in Melbourne, and removed from the daily drama that has always been a part of our family life. That's the way they like it. That leaves me! I've just spent the last nearly 20 years being responsible for someone else, I'm not prepared to spend the next 20 being responsible for my parents and brother (as his illness will inevitably require). If my sisters are worried, then they should move back here and share the load. If that's selfish, so be it.
I am also unhappy in my job. When I started here it was awesome. I was learning new things, had the opportunity to study, and got along very well with my boss and his wife. Earlier this year that changed. I made a few mistakes, which I owned and learned from. I had been six months in the job, and was expected to be perfect. The boss has been 25 years in this industry and stuffs up, but I'm not allowed to. That annoys me more than a little. Sure, if something major goes wrong, it's his licence and business on the line, but if that happens it's just as likely to be his screw up as mine. Apart from that I just can't handle spending so much time alone. I am looking for another job. Financially it's likely that I will need to wait until later in the year to move, but I don't want to miss the perfect opportunity because it comes up a couple of months before I anticipate the move. If it happens sooner than planned, then I will cope. I usually do.
So, the above ramblings are some of the reasons I want to move back to Melbourne. I am not kidding myself, I know that the largest part of this is to do with my man. However, I don't plan to move down there and move in with him, or take over his life, or be joined at the hip with him 24/7. I DO want to find out if we have a chance at a proper relationship. I'm NOT going to be his booty call for the next 25 years. I don't think we can have any sort of relationship when we are so far apart. So I will go to Melbourne again in March, and we will have a discussion (unless he makes it up here before then, which he says he is trying to do). I can't do this over the phone. I think we need to sit down and have a proper discussion. I have asked his sisters not to get too involved in this. They are both reeaaallly pissed off with him over the Christmas fiasco, and both of us have talked to them about what's going on, but we need to do this ourselves, not via his sisters, (even though they are both on my side and will certainly slap him upside the head if I give them the word).
The main thing is I suppose, that I need to be happy. I deserve to have a life that is my own. I don't want to be lonely and bitter and twisted, and blame everybody else in my life for the fact that I'm unhappy. It won't be my son's fault, or my sisters' or my parents, or even this man's. My happiness and fulfilment are MY responsibility, and I will TAKE responsibility. If I don't do what I think will make me happy, then I don't deserve to be happy.
So yes gentle reader, the discussions will happen. If they don't go the way I would like, well that's just another area of my life I will need to spring clean. If he runs a mile in the opposite direction, well, that won't stop me moving to Melbourne. It's where I want to be, and where I think I can be happy, with or without him.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
HAPPY (ALMOST) NEW YEAR!
Yeah, I've been a bit slack since my last post before Christmas. Ya get that!
So Christmas was pretty much as described in my previous posts. It was quite weird though, as without my sisters and the kids it was just too damn quiet. I normally love it, but just wasn't feeling it this time around.
The Brat's 4 days off turned into 3 1/2, and given that he slept almost all day Christmas Day, then went out and partied with mates on Boxing Day before working Sunday, I didn't really see that much of him. I'm getting used to it though, and I certainly didn't begrudge him time with his friends, given the unsociable industry he's in, it's hard for him at times to have much social life.
My own social life was a bit in the doldrums too. My best friend had relatives over from the UK, and between her brood, her eldest's girlfriend, two nephews and if I know them at all, about a dozen other assorted kids, she was pretty much flat out. So no time for a catchup there. My other good friend, who is in a similar position to me, in that she's a single Mum with a new man who lives a long way away, was somewhat luckier than I, as her other half actually did make it to Brisbane just after Christmas. Now while she would have been happy to have me around, I'm uncomfortable being the 3rd wheel, knowing what it's like to have just a few precious days with the guy you really want to be with.
To top it off Fireman Sam (thanks ladies for the nickname - I'm pretty much stuck with it now!), had sort of an accident with his mobile phone, rendering him almost uncontactable. A short conversation on Boxing Day was pretty much it. By Tuesday, I had pretty much given up on the idea that he was on his way to surprise me, and was feeling pretty down. When I spoke to my sister in Melbourne, she just happened to be having lunch with his sister, and I found out by accident that he had gone camping after all. NOT HAPPY JAN!
To cut a long story short, I decided "stuff him" I was going to go to Melbourne. I knew there was no chance I'd see him, but I was buggered if I was going to just sit around playing scrabble with my Mum for the next week. I have two sisters, a niece and nephew, and assorted friends in Melbourne, and I knew I would at least not spend the next 6 days bored stupid and fretting. So I did. I flew out at 5 am (Stupid O'Clock) on New Years Eve, arriving in Melbourne at breakfast time. A fairly quiet day was had with sister 1, given that I didn't bother going to bed the night before, followed by a nice dinner at sister 2's place with her partner and the kids. I managed to see in midnight down south, but fell asleep waiting to call my Mum and The Brat for the northern new year. Luckily The Brat rang me instead.
Friday was a spot of shopping and some babysitting, nothing exciting but at least I wasn't alone. Saturday, sister 1 and I caught a train out to our childhood home. We visited an old friend who used to work with Mum and had lost her husband since I last saw her. I was concerned for her until I saw her. She obviously misses her husband dreadfully, but her kids and grandkids are all there for her, and she keeps herself busy with her crafts, and activities in the retirement village she lives in. She's still independant and active, and it was great to see.
From there it was off to Sam's sister for the night. Sister 1 went home after a couple of hours, as she had a prior commitment, but I stayed for a very nice Thai prawn curry, and a little bit of champagne, followed by a little bit more champagne, then a bottle of white was opened, then some friends called round, and another couple of bottles of wine somehow got opened, and I eventually went to bed with a nice little buzz thanks very much. Unfortunately not to sleep, as it was harder than I had imagined, being just a few minutes from Sam's place, and knowing he wasn't there and I wouldn't see him. Not that I didn't know going in that this was the case, I guess it just sort of hit me about then. Still, no tears, and the alcohol had me pleasantly mellow, so apart from not much sleep, I was okay.
On Sunday I met another Burger. Via phone calls and email I had arranged to meet up with Catty in the city for lunch. We spent a very pleasant couple of hours together, and I met The Bloke, The Teen and The Kids. Thanks Catty, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did, and that the rest of your birthday was amazing.
Flew home Sunday night, and back at work Monday. I'm having a lot of trouble with work at the moment, my boss and his family go away for 2 weeks straight after New Year's each year, which leaves me alone in the office. I HATE it! I get nothing done, I'm lucky if I talk to one or two people during the course of the day and I have decided that I will definitely be gone from this job before next Christmas. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my own company, but not exclusively. I figure that if I'm going to change jobs, and houses anyway, I might just as well make the move to Melbourne. I have started looking at jobs down there, and a couple of interesting ones have hit my radar, but realistically, it will probably be around July/August before I can afford to take the leap. Sister 2, who owns the house I am currently renting, has decided that the house will either be on the market early in the next financial year, or she will put some money into it, and rent it out at a more reasonable market value. This works for me, as it means I HAVE to get off my butt and make things happen for me.
Some of you may have noticed that I've said little about Fireman Sam and our relationship. That, my friends is a whole nother post, and I have some sorting out in my head before I articulate. Stay tuned.
So Christmas was pretty much as described in my previous posts. It was quite weird though, as without my sisters and the kids it was just too damn quiet. I normally love it, but just wasn't feeling it this time around.
The Brat's 4 days off turned into 3 1/2, and given that he slept almost all day Christmas Day, then went out and partied with mates on Boxing Day before working Sunday, I didn't really see that much of him. I'm getting used to it though, and I certainly didn't begrudge him time with his friends, given the unsociable industry he's in, it's hard for him at times to have much social life.
My own social life was a bit in the doldrums too. My best friend had relatives over from the UK, and between her brood, her eldest's girlfriend, two nephews and if I know them at all, about a dozen other assorted kids, she was pretty much flat out. So no time for a catchup there. My other good friend, who is in a similar position to me, in that she's a single Mum with a new man who lives a long way away, was somewhat luckier than I, as her other half actually did make it to Brisbane just after Christmas. Now while she would have been happy to have me around, I'm uncomfortable being the 3rd wheel, knowing what it's like to have just a few precious days with the guy you really want to be with.
To top it off Fireman Sam (thanks ladies for the nickname - I'm pretty much stuck with it now!), had sort of an accident with his mobile phone, rendering him almost uncontactable. A short conversation on Boxing Day was pretty much it. By Tuesday, I had pretty much given up on the idea that he was on his way to surprise me, and was feeling pretty down. When I spoke to my sister in Melbourne, she just happened to be having lunch with his sister, and I found out by accident that he had gone camping after all. NOT HAPPY JAN!
To cut a long story short, I decided "stuff him" I was going to go to Melbourne. I knew there was no chance I'd see him, but I was buggered if I was going to just sit around playing scrabble with my Mum for the next week. I have two sisters, a niece and nephew, and assorted friends in Melbourne, and I knew I would at least not spend the next 6 days bored stupid and fretting. So I did. I flew out at 5 am (Stupid O'Clock) on New Years Eve, arriving in Melbourne at breakfast time. A fairly quiet day was had with sister 1, given that I didn't bother going to bed the night before, followed by a nice dinner at sister 2's place with her partner and the kids. I managed to see in midnight down south, but fell asleep waiting to call my Mum and The Brat for the northern new year. Luckily The Brat rang me instead.
Friday was a spot of shopping and some babysitting, nothing exciting but at least I wasn't alone. Saturday, sister 1 and I caught a train out to our childhood home. We visited an old friend who used to work with Mum and had lost her husband since I last saw her. I was concerned for her until I saw her. She obviously misses her husband dreadfully, but her kids and grandkids are all there for her, and she keeps herself busy with her crafts, and activities in the retirement village she lives in. She's still independant and active, and it was great to see.
From there it was off to Sam's sister for the night. Sister 1 went home after a couple of hours, as she had a prior commitment, but I stayed for a very nice Thai prawn curry, and a little bit of champagne, followed by a little bit more champagne, then a bottle of white was opened, then some friends called round, and another couple of bottles of wine somehow got opened, and I eventually went to bed with a nice little buzz thanks very much. Unfortunately not to sleep, as it was harder than I had imagined, being just a few minutes from Sam's place, and knowing he wasn't there and I wouldn't see him. Not that I didn't know going in that this was the case, I guess it just sort of hit me about then. Still, no tears, and the alcohol had me pleasantly mellow, so apart from not much sleep, I was okay.
On Sunday I met another Burger. Via phone calls and email I had arranged to meet up with Catty in the city for lunch. We spent a very pleasant couple of hours together, and I met The Bloke, The Teen and The Kids. Thanks Catty, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did, and that the rest of your birthday was amazing.
Flew home Sunday night, and back at work Monday. I'm having a lot of trouble with work at the moment, my boss and his family go away for 2 weeks straight after New Year's each year, which leaves me alone in the office. I HATE it! I get nothing done, I'm lucky if I talk to one or two people during the course of the day and I have decided that I will definitely be gone from this job before next Christmas. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my own company, but not exclusively. I figure that if I'm going to change jobs, and houses anyway, I might just as well make the move to Melbourne. I have started looking at jobs down there, and a couple of interesting ones have hit my radar, but realistically, it will probably be around July/August before I can afford to take the leap. Sister 2, who owns the house I am currently renting, has decided that the house will either be on the market early in the next financial year, or she will put some money into it, and rent it out at a more reasonable market value. This works for me, as it means I HAVE to get off my butt and make things happen for me.
Some of you may have noticed that I've said little about Fireman Sam and our relationship. That, my friends is a whole nother post, and I have some sorting out in my head before I articulate. Stay tuned.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
A Christmas Gift!
Just a little something.....
Passionfruit Balls
125g Copha
250g Cream Cheese
1 cup Icing Sugar
1/2 cup Passionfruit Pulp (don't use tinned)
1/2 to 1 cup Plain Biscuit Crumbs (I use Nice)
Dessicated Coconut
Melt Copha, mix with all other ingredients. Place in fridge for 1/2 hour (the mix will be very soft, if still too soft to roll after refrigeration, add more biscuit crumbs - sorry, most of my Grandma's recipes are similarly vague, a small 1/2 cup of this, a large teaspoon of that etc.), before rolling into balls and rolling in Dessicated Coconut.
Not difficult, but will be sticky. Have found that kids love the messiness of making these, and they are absolutely delicious - The Passionfruit Balls - not the kids :)
Passionfruit Balls
125g Copha
250g Cream Cheese
1 cup Icing Sugar
1/2 cup Passionfruit Pulp (don't use tinned)
1/2 to 1 cup Plain Biscuit Crumbs (I use Nice)
Dessicated Coconut
Melt Copha, mix with all other ingredients. Place in fridge for 1/2 hour (the mix will be very soft, if still too soft to roll after refrigeration, add more biscuit crumbs - sorry, most of my Grandma's recipes are similarly vague, a small 1/2 cup of this, a large teaspoon of that etc.), before rolling into balls and rolling in Dessicated Coconut.
Not difficult, but will be sticky. Have found that kids love the messiness of making these, and they are absolutely delicious - The Passionfruit Balls - not the kids :)
Just Checkin' In!
On the wind down now to Christmas, thank God!
The shopping is done, the fruit for my pudding should be nicely pissed by now, all that remains is to get through half a day at work tomorrow, throw the pudding together and boil the shit out of it for 3 hours, make Rum balls, Passionfruit Balls, and White Christmas, wrap pressies, then midnight Mass at 9 o'clock tomorrow night!
Friday will start early with breakfast at Mums. We limit ourselves to Ham and Eggs, juice and tea (made with real tea leaves in a real teapot). That's because lunch will be Ham, Chicken, Turkey, Pork, roast veg, (about 5 varieties usually), stuffing (home made of course), and gravy. Dessert will follow about two hours later, Plum Pudding, Trifle, Jelly, Ice Cream and of course my Grandma's secret recipe Brandy Sauce. All this after possibly snacking on the odd Rum Ball Passionfruit Ball and White Christmas.
After lunch, we will all be too stuffed to move, and will each find a comfortable bed or couch and sleep until late afternoon (assuming lunch doesn't happen late afternoon). Dinner for those who partake is obviously leftovers. My Mum cooks for an army, and given that there are only 5 for lunch this year, leftovers may well last into February 2010. The only concession my parents seem to have made to the absence this year of the Melbourne contingent (another 5), is to buy 2 chooks instead of 3!
Good news is that The Brat will have 4 days off over Christmas! YAY!! I really miss him as I only see him for about an hour at night when I'm not too tired to wait up until midnight for him to get home from work.
Bad news is that The Man has said he won't make it up to Brisbane over the holidays! I suggested joining him in Melbourne, but was discouraged. I figure this means one of two things: either he is hoping to surprise me by turning up unannounced; or he's having 2nd thoughts about our relationship and where it's headed. Either way, there's not a lot I can do about it at the moment, I don't dare push the issue and just fly down, in case he ends up here while I'm down there! After a major meltdown a couple of nights ago, I have decided that I refuse to let the situation ruin Christmas for me. My family, and especially The Brat, don't deserve that, so I'm taking a wait and see approach. Trying not to get my hopes up, but feeling that the situation makes no sense given our recent conversations and my visit to Melbourne last month. Que Sera Sera!
So that's it from me until after Christmas, and possibly New Years (depending on developments if any). Except to wish all of you, my new friends, and all of those you love, a Safe and Happy Christmas, and a wonderful New Year. Thanks to all of you who have welcomed me, and my neuroses into your lives. You are appreciated.
The shopping is done, the fruit for my pudding should be nicely pissed by now, all that remains is to get through half a day at work tomorrow, throw the pudding together and boil the shit out of it for 3 hours, make Rum balls, Passionfruit Balls, and White Christmas, wrap pressies, then midnight Mass at 9 o'clock tomorrow night!
Friday will start early with breakfast at Mums. We limit ourselves to Ham and Eggs, juice and tea (made with real tea leaves in a real teapot). That's because lunch will be Ham, Chicken, Turkey, Pork, roast veg, (about 5 varieties usually), stuffing (home made of course), and gravy. Dessert will follow about two hours later, Plum Pudding, Trifle, Jelly, Ice Cream and of course my Grandma's secret recipe Brandy Sauce. All this after possibly snacking on the odd Rum Ball Passionfruit Ball and White Christmas.
After lunch, we will all be too stuffed to move, and will each find a comfortable bed or couch and sleep until late afternoon (assuming lunch doesn't happen late afternoon). Dinner for those who partake is obviously leftovers. My Mum cooks for an army, and given that there are only 5 for lunch this year, leftovers may well last into February 2010. The only concession my parents seem to have made to the absence this year of the Melbourne contingent (another 5), is to buy 2 chooks instead of 3!
Good news is that The Brat will have 4 days off over Christmas! YAY!! I really miss him as I only see him for about an hour at night when I'm not too tired to wait up until midnight for him to get home from work.
Bad news is that The Man has said he won't make it up to Brisbane over the holidays! I suggested joining him in Melbourne, but was discouraged. I figure this means one of two things: either he is hoping to surprise me by turning up unannounced; or he's having 2nd thoughts about our relationship and where it's headed. Either way, there's not a lot I can do about it at the moment, I don't dare push the issue and just fly down, in case he ends up here while I'm down there! After a major meltdown a couple of nights ago, I have decided that I refuse to let the situation ruin Christmas for me. My family, and especially The Brat, don't deserve that, so I'm taking a wait and see approach. Trying not to get my hopes up, but feeling that the situation makes no sense given our recent conversations and my visit to Melbourne last month. Que Sera Sera!
So that's it from me until after Christmas, and possibly New Years (depending on developments if any). Except to wish all of you, my new friends, and all of those you love, a Safe and Happy Christmas, and a wonderful New Year. Thanks to all of you who have welcomed me, and my neuroses into your lives. You are appreciated.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Another Week Over
Well, not a particularly exciting one. But I'm in training to Faff for Australia at the next Fafflympics, so I'll probably manage to find something to Faff about.
Home - place is a tip, really need to do some housework but it's too bloody hot. Things get slightly out of control when you spend one weekend flittin about the country in the pursuit of happiness - or sex - at the moment roughly the same thing; then spend the next weekend in bed with plague because your interstate friend made you sick!
The Brat - God I love this kid! We have had discussions about the timing of my impending interstate move. My plan has been to wait until The Brat finishes his apprenticeship, wait a few more months until he establishes a direction (ie overseas, travel round Oz, work in the mines and make a motza for a couple of years, or join the RAAF), all possibilities at this point in time. However it's becoming increasingly difficult to imagine waiting that bloody long. I know we live in an instant gratification society, but I should have grown out of that by now shouldn't I? The Brat is awesome about this. So awesome in fact that he has even said that if I need to go then I should just go. If need be, he will move in with my Mum.
****Disclaimer - Instruments or Burgers who have met my Mum online, please be assured that my actual parents do not post to the Blunt Instrument, although it must be said that my Mum is eerily similar in some respects to Mayhem's Mum!**********
That threw me for a loop I will tell you! It is the last thing I thought he would ever do, given that Mum is a little more rigid and paranoid about things like coming home, not drinking, more sleep less partying, than I am. Don't get me wrong, we discuss the situation when I think he needs to pull his head in a bit, but Mum will try to keep him on a much shorter leash. Of course he adores his Nanna and Pop, but regards them as even more fuddy duddy than me. I foresee tears, lots of them, from both of them! But how awesome that he would be willing to do that for me.
Another suggestion, if he's not ready to jump into a sharehouse situation would be for him to move in with his Dad. He rarely sees his Dad, and in fact when he mentioned to one of his mates earlier this week that we were heading over to see him, his mate insisted that The Brat take a photo, to prove he even had a Dad. Anyway, the idea was floated, The Brat thinks it might be a tad weird, but The Dad has said he would go along with it. In some ways it would probably be a better experience for The Brat, as living with The Dad, he would certainly not be molly coddled or overly restricted like he would be at Nanna's.
Work - driving me nuts! One day I'm convinced that the boss is planning to sack me, the next we are back to the easy camaraderie that led to him offering and me accepting this job in the 1st place.
The Man - he is still too far away! We talk on the phone nearly every day now, which is a huge leap from the 5 minutes once a week at the beginning of this latest incarnation of our relationship. He is not one for faffing on the phone this man, but has gradually become more relaxed with it, and we have some interesting, and some not so interesting conversations these days. Kind of like real life really! I keep thinking that once I've seen him, I will be okay for a while, and it will strengthen me to carry on with this horrible horrible separation. In some ways, after the initial separation blues, it does. But it doesn't take long for that terrible yearning to be with him returns. In all my adult life, if I've had a bad day, I've had nobody to come home to who will just cuddle me, make me a cuppa, just be there for me and make the bad stuff fade even a little. Am I romanticising the situation because I have never really experienced a proper living with another adult human being (as one half of a couple) situation? Probably. Will the reality live up to the imagining? Possibly not, but God I want to go there! And now, it's looking increasingly less likely that he will make it up here after Christmas as planned. I have an alternate plan in mind, which I am yet to offer until we both know for sure what's what with his work, but the timing will be critical and I'm not sure I can pull it off. Be prepared my friends for a serious meltdown!
All this talk about moving to Melbourne is upsetting the other member of my household. I have told my Brother that this is on the cards, and he does not like it one little bit! Tough titties, He is no longer a factor in my life plan. At 41 years of age, he is perfectly capable of living his own life, and I will no longer be held to ransom by his medical condition!
Well that's pretty much it, apart from the dog giving me serious attitude because I went away for a couple of days, then The Brat forgot to come home for a couple of days. She is feeling neglected, and she lets me know this by finding the biggest clump of cobblers pegs she can, and deliberately getting a squillion of the damned things tangled up in her coat. As a Silky - Spaniel cross, this makes for hours of fun, cleaning and brushing, then having to strap my wrist for a week because I can barely move my arm.
Until next time I guess...... I will keep you posted (pun intended) on holiday developments with The Man.
Home - place is a tip, really need to do some housework but it's too bloody hot. Things get slightly out of control when you spend one weekend flittin about the country in the pursuit of happiness - or sex - at the moment roughly the same thing; then spend the next weekend in bed with plague because your interstate friend made you sick!
The Brat - God I love this kid! We have had discussions about the timing of my impending interstate move. My plan has been to wait until The Brat finishes his apprenticeship, wait a few more months until he establishes a direction (ie overseas, travel round Oz, work in the mines and make a motza for a couple of years, or join the RAAF), all possibilities at this point in time. However it's becoming increasingly difficult to imagine waiting that bloody long. I know we live in an instant gratification society, but I should have grown out of that by now shouldn't I? The Brat is awesome about this. So awesome in fact that he has even said that if I need to go then I should just go. If need be, he will move in with my Mum.
****Disclaimer - Instruments or Burgers who have met my Mum online, please be assured that my actual parents do not post to the Blunt Instrument, although it must be said that my Mum is eerily similar in some respects to Mayhem's Mum!**********
That threw me for a loop I will tell you! It is the last thing I thought he would ever do, given that Mum is a little more rigid and paranoid about things like coming home, not drinking, more sleep less partying, than I am. Don't get me wrong, we discuss the situation when I think he needs to pull his head in a bit, but Mum will try to keep him on a much shorter leash. Of course he adores his Nanna and Pop, but regards them as even more fuddy duddy than me. I foresee tears, lots of them, from both of them! But how awesome that he would be willing to do that for me.
Another suggestion, if he's not ready to jump into a sharehouse situation would be for him to move in with his Dad. He rarely sees his Dad, and in fact when he mentioned to one of his mates earlier this week that we were heading over to see him, his mate insisted that The Brat take a photo, to prove he even had a Dad. Anyway, the idea was floated, The Brat thinks it might be a tad weird, but The Dad has said he would go along with it. In some ways it would probably be a better experience for The Brat, as living with The Dad, he would certainly not be molly coddled or overly restricted like he would be at Nanna's.
Work - driving me nuts! One day I'm convinced that the boss is planning to sack me, the next we are back to the easy camaraderie that led to him offering and me accepting this job in the 1st place.
The Man - he is still too far away! We talk on the phone nearly every day now, which is a huge leap from the 5 minutes once a week at the beginning of this latest incarnation of our relationship. He is not one for faffing on the phone this man, but has gradually become more relaxed with it, and we have some interesting, and some not so interesting conversations these days. Kind of like real life really! I keep thinking that once I've seen him, I will be okay for a while, and it will strengthen me to carry on with this horrible horrible separation. In some ways, after the initial separation blues, it does. But it doesn't take long for that terrible yearning to be with him returns. In all my adult life, if I've had a bad day, I've had nobody to come home to who will just cuddle me, make me a cuppa, just be there for me and make the bad stuff fade even a little. Am I romanticising the situation because I have never really experienced a proper living with another adult human being (as one half of a couple) situation? Probably. Will the reality live up to the imagining? Possibly not, but God I want to go there! And now, it's looking increasingly less likely that he will make it up here after Christmas as planned. I have an alternate plan in mind, which I am yet to offer until we both know for sure what's what with his work, but the timing will be critical and I'm not sure I can pull it off. Be prepared my friends for a serious meltdown!
All this talk about moving to Melbourne is upsetting the other member of my household. I have told my Brother that this is on the cards, and he does not like it one little bit! Tough titties, He is no longer a factor in my life plan. At 41 years of age, he is perfectly capable of living his own life, and I will no longer be held to ransom by his medical condition!
Well that's pretty much it, apart from the dog giving me serious attitude because I went away for a couple of days, then The Brat forgot to come home for a couple of days. She is feeling neglected, and she lets me know this by finding the biggest clump of cobblers pegs she can, and deliberately getting a squillion of the damned things tangled up in her coat. As a Silky - Spaniel cross, this makes for hours of fun, cleaning and brushing, then having to strap my wrist for a week because I can barely move my arm.
Until next time I guess...... I will keep you posted (pun intended) on holiday developments with The Man.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
I'm Baaaackkk
Back from Melbourne with a sunny new outlook on life!
And anyone who was in Melbourne last weekend knows that's quite an accomplishment given the sun didn't make an appearance the entire time. Not that I'm complaining, I actually love Melbourne weather, colour me crazy!
Arrived wee hours of Saturday morning, thanks to my big sis who trekked out to pick me up from the airport, and gave me a bed for what was left of the night. Up early to help younger sis dress her gorgeous babies for a wedding. After brekky then a shower etc., time to pick up kids, drop nephew to stay with friends for the night, and niece to stay with big sis, while Mums had a night on the town.
Then big sis, niece (and btw, if I could be 100% guaranteed one exactly like this, The Brat would have a sister) and I, off to the little hamlet where I grew up, and my man still lives. Not that it's little or much of a hamlet, (or even a market garden) anymore. We parked at his sister's to await the man's arrival, and thanks so much for your hospitality M, if you felt as bad on Saturday as I do now, you deserve a medal for not chucking us out to wait for him on the kerb.
Next day was a family lunch for my man's birthday... yeah yeah I know, this blog has a content warning and I skipped quite a few hours on the way to lunch. Suffice to say, we got sidetracked on our way to dinner, and were very hungry by lunchtime on Sunday. That's it!
Now I've mentioned before that I have known my man since I was a kid, 30 years to be exact, and his family was my second family. I was best friends with one of his sisters as well as his on/off girlfriend, my big sister was best friends with his other sister, our Mums were best friends, our Dads were drinking buddies. So lunch with his family was just like old times, no big deal..... except for the presence of the next generation, particularly my man's daughters.
Daughter 1 I met when she was a bub, she's just a few months older than The Brat, and I was gone from Melbourne well before he was born. On my last flying visit in July, I met her briefly at M's where she was babysitting when we arrived home from my sister's 40th. At that time I was introduced as H's sister (H knows most of these kids, as she lives down there and has met them all at various family gatherings), and a friend of M's. Daughter 2 I have never laid eyes on, she's a couple of years younger, and I haven't had the opportunity in my few brief visits in the last 18+ years. So I was a little nervous to meet these young ladies as their Dad's other half. Especially given that their Mum was also part of our little group as kids, and for one reason and another we didn't, and probably still don't, particularly get along. I wasn't sure if they had any idea about my relationship with their Dad, and if their Mum did, would she have said anything to them to stuff up my chance to get to know them on my own terms?
As it happens, no need for nerves. Two delightful young ladies, who obviously worked out I was there "with" Dad, (they gave M the third degree on the way to lunch, about who was with Dad, why wasn't he picking them up etc.), but chatted easily, made me feel welcome, and even gave me a kiss goodbye when we left the restaurant. Serious relief! Sounds silly doesn't it, to be worried about the opinions of these young girls, but as the mother of a teen, and knowing how my man adores his girls I was anxious for them to like me. God knows the distance is a large enough hurdle, without us having to worry about the kids. The Brat is fantastic (he hasn't met my man yet, or at least not since he was quite a lot younger) but he knows about our relationship and our history, and has told me that as long as I'm happy, he's happy for me. That meant a lot to my man as well.
Back to the local for a couple of hours, met some of the man's friends, had a few drinks, then back to his place for an early night. Sort of......
Monday he had to work, this was a spur of the moment trip to surprise him for his birthday, and he didn't have time to arrange a day off. I trained it back to my sister's place to spend time with her and her partner and the kids, before my big sister picked me up for the return trip to the airport. I had thought I might have a wander around the city, visit a few old haunts and do some window shopping, but given the girls won't be here for Christmas this year, and the kids love spending time with their Brisbane aunty, it wasn't a chore to change my plans for them. Next time I will stay longer and do a few things by myself.
Monday was hard, the first day apart after even a fleeting reunion really does my head in. I was teary and tired (God knows why!) and really didn't want to come home. By Tuesday, along with a seriously sore throat and a very nasty cough, I had a new attitude. (M was quite unwell while I was there, and my man and I have both ended up with her lurgy). The reason for my change of attitude? Well, discussions were had, plans were made, things were said. Basically I have a better idea of where I stand in this relationship. I'm finally confident it actually is a relationship, for both of us. Yes I have some self-esteem issues, but bear in mind I still don't know why we broke up 20 odd years ago, and since we started seeing each other again back in July, we have had exactly 2 nights together prior to this weekend. Yes we talk on the phone every couple of days now, but the distance complication really does batter the confidence. Little things like knowing that he has mentioned me to his mates, and invited them to the pub to meet me, that he talks about me to his sister, that he referred to himself as my other half, and that he's planning to forgo his annual camping trip to fly up here after Christmas to be with me. Those little things mean the world.
So now, I'm calmer, I'm more confident that this is really going to happen, and I'm even open to bringing my interstate move forward from the 2 years I had been thinking. At the very least I will be making sure we spend at least one weekend together every 6 to 8 weeks, either here or in Melbourne. 4 months is waaaayyy to long.
...... And more progress being made every day on those resolutions.
And anyone who was in Melbourne last weekend knows that's quite an accomplishment given the sun didn't make an appearance the entire time. Not that I'm complaining, I actually love Melbourne weather, colour me crazy!
Arrived wee hours of Saturday morning, thanks to my big sis who trekked out to pick me up from the airport, and gave me a bed for what was left of the night. Up early to help younger sis dress her gorgeous babies for a wedding. After brekky then a shower etc., time to pick up kids, drop nephew to stay with friends for the night, and niece to stay with big sis, while Mums had a night on the town.
Then big sis, niece (and btw, if I could be 100% guaranteed one exactly like this, The Brat would have a sister) and I, off to the little hamlet where I grew up, and my man still lives. Not that it's little or much of a hamlet, (or even a market garden) anymore. We parked at his sister's to await the man's arrival, and thanks so much for your hospitality M, if you felt as bad on Saturday as I do now, you deserve a medal for not chucking us out to wait for him on the kerb.
Next day was a family lunch for my man's birthday... yeah yeah I know, this blog has a content warning and I skipped quite a few hours on the way to lunch. Suffice to say, we got sidetracked on our way to dinner, and were very hungry by lunchtime on Sunday. That's it!
Now I've mentioned before that I have known my man since I was a kid, 30 years to be exact, and his family was my second family. I was best friends with one of his sisters as well as his on/off girlfriend, my big sister was best friends with his other sister, our Mums were best friends, our Dads were drinking buddies. So lunch with his family was just like old times, no big deal..... except for the presence of the next generation, particularly my man's daughters.
Daughter 1 I met when she was a bub, she's just a few months older than The Brat, and I was gone from Melbourne well before he was born. On my last flying visit in July, I met her briefly at M's where she was babysitting when we arrived home from my sister's 40th. At that time I was introduced as H's sister (H knows most of these kids, as she lives down there and has met them all at various family gatherings), and a friend of M's. Daughter 2 I have never laid eyes on, she's a couple of years younger, and I haven't had the opportunity in my few brief visits in the last 18+ years. So I was a little nervous to meet these young ladies as their Dad's other half. Especially given that their Mum was also part of our little group as kids, and for one reason and another we didn't, and probably still don't, particularly get along. I wasn't sure if they had any idea about my relationship with their Dad, and if their Mum did, would she have said anything to them to stuff up my chance to get to know them on my own terms?
As it happens, no need for nerves. Two delightful young ladies, who obviously worked out I was there "with" Dad, (they gave M the third degree on the way to lunch, about who was with Dad, why wasn't he picking them up etc.), but chatted easily, made me feel welcome, and even gave me a kiss goodbye when we left the restaurant. Serious relief! Sounds silly doesn't it, to be worried about the opinions of these young girls, but as the mother of a teen, and knowing how my man adores his girls I was anxious for them to like me. God knows the distance is a large enough hurdle, without us having to worry about the kids. The Brat is fantastic (he hasn't met my man yet, or at least not since he was quite a lot younger) but he knows about our relationship and our history, and has told me that as long as I'm happy, he's happy for me. That meant a lot to my man as well.
Back to the local for a couple of hours, met some of the man's friends, had a few drinks, then back to his place for an early night. Sort of......
Monday he had to work, this was a spur of the moment trip to surprise him for his birthday, and he didn't have time to arrange a day off. I trained it back to my sister's place to spend time with her and her partner and the kids, before my big sister picked me up for the return trip to the airport. I had thought I might have a wander around the city, visit a few old haunts and do some window shopping, but given the girls won't be here for Christmas this year, and the kids love spending time with their Brisbane aunty, it wasn't a chore to change my plans for them. Next time I will stay longer and do a few things by myself.
Monday was hard, the first day apart after even a fleeting reunion really does my head in. I was teary and tired (God knows why!) and really didn't want to come home. By Tuesday, along with a seriously sore throat and a very nasty cough, I had a new attitude. (M was quite unwell while I was there, and my man and I have both ended up with her lurgy). The reason for my change of attitude? Well, discussions were had, plans were made, things were said. Basically I have a better idea of where I stand in this relationship. I'm finally confident it actually is a relationship, for both of us. Yes I have some self-esteem issues, but bear in mind I still don't know why we broke up 20 odd years ago, and since we started seeing each other again back in July, we have had exactly 2 nights together prior to this weekend. Yes we talk on the phone every couple of days now, but the distance complication really does batter the confidence. Little things like knowing that he has mentioned me to his mates, and invited them to the pub to meet me, that he talks about me to his sister, that he referred to himself as my other half, and that he's planning to forgo his annual camping trip to fly up here after Christmas to be with me. Those little things mean the world.
So now, I'm calmer, I'm more confident that this is really going to happen, and I'm even open to bringing my interstate move forward from the 2 years I had been thinking. At the very least I will be making sure we spend at least one weekend together every 6 to 8 weeks, either here or in Melbourne. 4 months is waaaayyy to long.
...... And more progress being made every day on those resolutions.
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