Settle down folks. Put away your credit cards and piggy banks.... it's not written yet! But it could be.... SOONish.
Okay I'll explain. Remember my last post, with the insane idea that I could quit smoking purely with the aid of willpower, bubble wrap and a few cut veggies???? YEAH RIGHT!!!!
Well anyhoo, The honourable Dirk Flinthart offered to ghost-write my bestselling How To book, and we would make squillions. Hmmmm sorry Dirk my friend.... ain't gunna happen. BUT!
Now that I've accepted that I was born without willpower, I'm travelling another route. Thass right... DRUGZ!!!! Now anyone who's used this particular Quit Smoking Drug (Havock) will know what I mean when I say OHMIGOD THE DREAMZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Crazy, weird, mixed up dreams. I wake up exhausted. This morning I actually remembered some of those dreams, and I'm sure I read somewhere that many an author has received inspiration during their slumbery travails.* So Imma gonna bore you all silly with (daily?) recollections of my nocturnal adventures. (I hate people who try to tell me about their dreams, but suck it up princesses). Hopefully, this whole mess will someday magically morph into a novel. Are you in Dirk? So settle back and read the tale of the hour between my alarm going off this morning, and me finally staggering out of bed...
In one hour.... I rescued my neice from a humungous mud puddle in the back yard (No idea whose backyard), seriously, that mother came up to my thighs. Now I'm not tall, but my 6 year old neice is the approximate height of your average 3 year old. YAY AUNTY MAYHEM!!!
I followed up my heroic feat, by promptly losing said neice to a pair of of officious, yet stylishly uniformed female security guards. At the time I was arguing with a ticketing agent at the airport. In all I argued with 3 ticketing agents and a gaggle of skimpily dressed teens who tried to queue jump. NOT HAPPY!!! Still don't know where my neice ended up.
At some point uber author JB entered the fray. By this time I was back at (someone's) home. There was a contretemps involving JB, my older sister and some lollies and possibly patty cakes. There was an unpleasant incident involving water... lots of water... all over me, courtesy of my brother. Then towels. I had heaps of clean fluffy towels with which to dry myself off. Then I had a bath.
Now remember, all of the above happened in an hour. (And I have mercifully condensed the various scenarios, in the hopes that you'll come back). Prior to that, my recollections are pretty hazy. I'm certain that I was visited by a number of Burgers, including (but not limited to) our own Big Bad Al. My Mum made an appearance as well, and my younger sister.
What do you think? Is there a novel in this mess? Maybe we'll have a better idea after a few (dozen) more installments :)