About Me

My photo
Single Mum of teenage chef, affectionately known as The Brat. Have started a new life at the tender age of 44, embarking on a relationship with my childhood sweetheart... I know cliche central, but so far it works for us! New job, new friends, new challenges. Life's GOOD!

Thursday, January 7, 2010


Yeah, I've been a bit slack since my last post before Christmas. Ya get that!

So Christmas was pretty much as described in my previous posts. It was quite weird though, as without my sisters and the kids it was just too damn quiet. I normally love it, but just wasn't feeling it this time around.

The Brat's 4 days off turned into 3 1/2, and given that he slept almost all day Christmas Day, then went out and partied with mates on Boxing Day before working Sunday, I didn't really see that much of him. I'm getting used to it though, and I certainly didn't begrudge him time with his friends, given the unsociable industry he's in, it's hard for him at times to have much social life.

My own social life was a bit in the doldrums too. My best friend had relatives over from the UK, and between her brood, her eldest's girlfriend, two nephews and if I know them at all, about a dozen other assorted kids, she was pretty much flat out. So no time for a catchup there. My other good friend, who is in a similar position to me, in that she's a single Mum with a new man who lives a long way away, was somewhat luckier than I, as her other half actually did make it to Brisbane just after Christmas. Now while she would have been happy to have me around, I'm uncomfortable being the 3rd wheel, knowing what it's like to have just a few precious days with the guy you really want to be with.

To top it off Fireman Sam (thanks ladies for the nickname - I'm pretty much stuck with it now!), had sort of an accident with his mobile phone, rendering him almost uncontactable. A short conversation on Boxing Day was pretty much it. By Tuesday, I had pretty much given up on the idea that he was on his way to surprise me, and was feeling pretty down. When I spoke to my sister in Melbourne, she just happened to be having lunch with his sister, and I found out by accident that he had gone camping after all. NOT HAPPY JAN!

To cut a long story short, I decided "stuff him" I was going to go to Melbourne. I knew there was no chance I'd see him, but I was buggered if I was going to just sit around playing scrabble with my Mum for the next week. I have two sisters, a niece and nephew, and assorted friends in Melbourne, and I knew I would at least not spend the next 6 days bored stupid and fretting. So I did. I flew out at 5 am (Stupid O'Clock) on New Years Eve, arriving in Melbourne at breakfast time. A fairly quiet day was had with sister 1, given that I didn't bother going to bed the night before, followed by a nice dinner at sister 2's place with her partner and the kids. I managed to see in midnight down south, but fell asleep waiting to call my Mum and The Brat for the northern new year. Luckily The Brat rang me instead.

Friday was a spot of shopping and some babysitting, nothing exciting but at least I wasn't alone. Saturday, sister 1 and I caught a train out to our childhood home. We visited an old friend who used to work with Mum and had lost her husband since I last saw her. I was concerned for her until I saw her. She obviously misses her husband dreadfully, but her kids and grandkids are all there for her, and she keeps herself busy with her crafts, and activities in the retirement village she lives in. She's still independant and active, and it was great to see.

From there it was off to Sam's sister for the night. Sister 1 went home after a couple of hours, as she had a prior commitment, but I stayed for a very nice Thai prawn curry, and a little bit of champagne, followed by a little bit more champagne, then a bottle of white was opened, then some friends called round, and another couple of bottles of wine somehow got opened, and I eventually went to bed with a nice little buzz thanks very much. Unfortunately not to sleep, as it was harder than I had imagined, being just a few minutes from Sam's place, and knowing he wasn't there and I wouldn't see him. Not that I didn't know going in that this was the case, I guess it just sort of hit me about then. Still, no tears, and the alcohol had me pleasantly mellow, so apart from not much sleep, I was okay.

On Sunday I met another Burger. Via phone calls and email I had arranged to meet up with Catty in the city for lunch. We spent a very pleasant couple of hours together, and I met The Bloke, The Teen and The Kids. Thanks Catty, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did, and that the rest of your birthday was amazing.

Flew home Sunday night, and back at work Monday. I'm having a lot of trouble with work at the moment, my boss and his family go away for 2 weeks straight after New Year's each year, which leaves me alone in the office. I HATE it! I get nothing done, I'm lucky if I talk to one or two people during the course of the day and I have decided that I will definitely be gone from this job before next Christmas. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my own company, but not exclusively. I figure that if I'm going to change jobs, and houses anyway, I might just as well make the move to Melbourne. I have started looking at jobs down there, and a couple of interesting ones have hit my radar, but realistically, it will probably be around July/August before I can afford to take the leap. Sister 2, who owns the house I am currently renting, has decided that the house will either be on the market early in the next financial year, or she will put some money into it, and rent it out at a more reasonable market value. This works for me, as it means I HAVE to get off my butt and make things happen for me.

Some of you may have noticed that I've said little about Fireman Sam and our relationship. That, my friends is a whole nother post, and I have some sorting out in my head before I articulate. Stay tuned.


  1. Good to hear you are focused on looking after you and what you want from life.

    Not sure what advice to offer about your man troubles.
    I generally go with honesty, say what I want, and try to accept that his mind works differently from mine and there has to be some compromise between working out two at times conflicting sets of needs.

    Sounds like you were hoping for companionship and greater intimacy over Xmas, and he for whatever reason started pulling back, avoiding confrontation and not communicating.

    Its very hard to resolve a problem with a man who won't communicate/doesn't know what he wants or feels.

    If he wanted some time alone to chill out, so be it - me and my spouse both need a lot of solitude due to the pressure of having some off-balance and extremely difficult family members, so I get that - but if things are to work between you it sounds like he needs to learn to say what he wants rather than avoid facing his problems by losing his phone/letting his sister communicate for him.

    We all have flaws and areas we could work on in ourselves, but if the problem for you is that he doesn't communicate what he wants and needs - and he gives you mixed messages or changes his mind about a plan and then avoids taking responsibility for saying 'I've changed my mind', then I think its important to tell him this is frustrating for you and ask for change.

    Men can be lousy communicators. I think they do like to slink off and hide when they feel vulnerable, too. He may be getting cold feet, or he may simply feel like he's out of his depth.
    The thing is, is he willing to figure out what he feels, what the issues are, and work on it?

    If you're pissed off with him, Mayhem, I'd tell him so and tell him that you expect honesty.

    Aunty Q

  2. Quokka, I started to reply to your comment, and somehow once I started I couldn't stop. So my reply has bewcome another post. Thanks for your input, you are good at this you know.

  3. Thank you.
    I credit the many years of therapy I've had for exposure to my insane family.


  4. Quokka, you have an insane family? Gee, we must be related!
    I had a wonderful birthday, Mayhem. I wish it had been longer, I felt like I was on a speed date!
    Incidentally, every year I schedule my plans around what other people want me to do. This year, I did something that I wanted. It was liberating!
    Of course, now I'm back with my nose to the grindstone. My kids are my life, as you can well understand Mayhem, but it isn't going to be forever so I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts. I'm just glad I have burgers to blog to so my brain doesn't dissolve into a puddle of clag glue and cupcake crumbs.


Faff is acceptable.