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Single Mum of teenage chef, affectionately known as The Brat. Have started a new life at the tender age of 44, embarking on a relationship with my childhood sweetheart... I know cliche central, but so far it works for us! New job, new friends, new challenges. Life's GOOD!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Life? What Life?

Have just been talking on the phone to the lover. Just because I'm lazy, for future reference he is now LDL.

Now LDL is not into technology. He doesn't have a computer, (it's only good for german porn apparently, though why the hell you'd need to go all the way to Germany for porn is beyond me). He loves being out and about, camping (but not fishing) riding motorcycles, and wrangling snakes for fun. LDL wouldn't have a mobile if it wasn't necessary for, (and paid for by) his job. He hates talking on the phone, but over a number of months he has gradually started to relax, and we actually had a good 40 minute chat tonight. (Have been considering introducing the joys of phone sex, but my previous experience with that has been that as foreplay, it's a great entree, but has usually ended up with one or the other jumping in the car to get to the main course. So maybe not a great idea). He reads, and has an extensive knowledge and somewhat eclectic taste in music. He is awesome in bed. He will deny it 'til he's blue in the face, but LDL is an intelligent man.

Then there's me. I'm addicted to my computer, and now that I've discovered blogging it's getting worse. I love to read, I'm a great cook and a lousy housekeeper, but don't get any complaints in bed. I'm either lazy or boring, probably a bit of both (except in bed). I have never been camping in my life, motorbikes scare the shit out of me (partly because when we were young lovers living only minutes apart, LDL was involved in a nasty car vs motorcycle and was badly injured), and snakes? Forget it. I can take music or leave it, but if I'm in a cleaning mood (lol) I will crank up the ipod and dance around while I get it done. It's quicker even though it takes longer! My ipod play list by the way consists of the soundtrack to Grease, Abba Gold and some Elton John. See I'm not even adventurous with music let alone life. I am an intelligent woman.

So how is this going to work? Somehow I have agreed to go camping over Christmas if we can co-ordinate our time off. (I have a sneaking suspicion I may have been invited because he knew I'd say no - I may have been tipsy when I agreed). It may involve snakes, spiders and other creepy crawlies (but YAY no fishing). I am also suspicious that on his next trip north (SOON Please God) he is arranging to borrow a Harley to take me for a ride. He kind of challenged me a while ago, said that if he turned up on a Harley there is no way I would say no. I disagreed. But now? I think I'd say yes!

Is there such a thing as pre - empty nest syndrome? It just seems to me that the day after the brat turned 18, I got lighter. Not physically (unfortunately!), but mentally or emotionally, or both. I figured that it's my turn to have a life. Don't get me wrong, I have absolutely no regrets about putting my life on hold. I would have loved to marry and have more kids, maybe advance my career to the point that I'd at least be earning decent coin. But I made a conscious decision that as his only involved parent, I needed to be sure that I could give the Brat the best I had to offer, not materially but in other ways. It paid off as far as I'm concerned.

Forgive the rambling, what I'm trying to work out is this. Is the fact that I am considering adventures that only a couple of years ago I would have dismissed as unacceptably risky at my age, a symptom of my need to experience life? Or am I dismissing perfectly reasonable fears just to please a man I desperately want to spend more time with? I Hope it's the former, I Worry it's the latter. Am I overthinking this? Do I need to just learn to relax and go where life takes me? After so many years of putting so many others before myself, am I even capable of that?

Thoughts anyone?

I soooo love not being limited to 300 words!

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