Life? What Life?

Have just been talking on the phone to the lover. Just because I'm lazy, for future reference he is now LDL.

Now LDL is not into technology. He doesn't have a computer, (it's only good for german porn apparently, though why the hell you'd need to go all the way to Germany for porn is beyond me). He loves being out and about, camping (but not fishing) riding motorcycles, and wrangling snakes for fun. LDL wouldn't have a mobile if it wasn't necessary for, (and paid for by) his job. He hates talking on the phone, but over a number of months he has gradually started to relax, and we actually had a good 40 minute chat tonight. (Have been considering introducing the joys of phone sex, but my previous experience with that has been that as foreplay, it's a great entree, but has usually ended up with one or the other jumping in the car to get to the main course. So maybe not a great idea). He reads, and has an extensive knowledge and somewhat eclectic taste in music. He is awesome in bed. He will deny it 'til he's blue in the face, but LDL is an intelligent man.

Then there's me. I'm addicted to my computer, and now that I've discovered blogging it's getting worse. I love to read, I'm a great cook and a lousy housekeeper, but don't get any complaints in bed. I'm either lazy or boring, probably a bit of both (except in bed). I have never been camping in my life, motorbikes scare the shit out of me (partly because when we were young lovers living only minutes apart, LDL was involved in a nasty car vs motorcycle and was badly injured), and snakes? Forget it. I can take music or leave it, but if I'm in a cleaning mood (lol) I will crank up the ipod and dance around while I get it done. It's quicker even though it takes longer! My ipod play list by the way consists of the soundtrack to Grease, Abba Gold and some Elton John. See I'm not even adventurous with music let alone life. I am an intelligent woman.

So how is this going to work? Somehow I have agreed to go camping over Christmas if we can co-ordinate our time off. (I have a sneaking suspicion I may have been invited because he knew I'd say no - I may have been tipsy when I agreed). It may involve snakes, spiders and other creepy crawlies (but YAY no fishing). I am also suspicious that on his next trip north (SOON Please God) he is arranging to borrow a Harley to take me for a ride. He kind of challenged me a while ago, said that if he turned up on a Harley there is no way I would say no. I disagreed. But now? I think I'd say yes!

Is there such a thing as pre - empty nest syndrome? It just seems to me that the day after the brat turned 18, I got lighter. Not physically (unfortunately!), but mentally or emotionally, or both. I figured that it's my turn to have a life. Don't get me wrong, I have absolutely no regrets about putting my life on hold. I would have loved to marry and have more kids, maybe advance my career to the point that I'd at least be earning decent coin. But I made a conscious decision that as his only involved parent, I needed to be sure that I could give the Brat the best I had to offer, not materially but in other ways. It paid off as far as I'm concerned.

Forgive the rambling, what I'm trying to work out is this. Is the fact that I am considering adventures that only a couple of years ago I would have dismissed as unacceptably risky at my age, a symptom of my need to experience life? Or am I dismissing perfectly reasonable fears just to please a man I desperately want to spend more time with? I Hope it's the former, I Worry it's the latter. Am I overthinking this? Do I need to just learn to relax and go where life takes me? After so many years of putting so many others before myself, am I even capable of that?

Thoughts anyone?

I soooo love not being limited to 300 words!

So Here I Am

Don't say I didn't warn you!

First, thanks to Jennicki and Abigail for encouraging me to try this for myself.

Second, the blame must go to Mr Birmingham, whose Blunt Instrument introduced me to the weird and wonderful world of blogging and the amazing, sometimes whacky characters who inhabit this strange universe.

As I may have stated elsewhere, I'm actually a somewhat boring person in real life, my name is not a description of my life (most of the time), merely wishful thinking. Thanks (or blame) also to Mr Havock, whose name inspired mine and convinced me that in a small corner of my life I could possibly be as funny, outrageous and courageous as some of you.

I have read and loved many of your blogs, and consequently my week and a half of annual leave to spring clean and recharge my batteries after a series of minor but persistant illnesses, has been not wasted exactly, (though the house still looks like the aftermath of a zombie invasion), but not quite as productive as I had hoped and planned.

So me....

The single mother of an 18 year old son, affectionately known as the brat, I'm pretty sure I've done a reasonable job with him. He is gainfully employed (an apprentice chef), and has only been arrested once (at schoolies - I am assured that it doesn't count). I am close to my family and actually get along with most of my siblings most of the time.

I have worked in various branches of the financial services industry, banking , insurance and now financial planning, and am about to embark on a study program to obtain qualifications in this area. I find it deliciously ironic that one can work in finances without actually having any to speak of.

My lover is my childhood sweetheart! Unfortunately my childhood was mainly spent thousands of kilometers from where I now live, and he is still there. One day, when our respective children are just a little bit older and more independant, we will live in the same state. Probably Victoria. In the meantime, I will quit smoking in order to have some play money, so I can fly down there occasionally to ummmm..... play. Watch this space!

The purpose of this blog is for me to be able to be funny, outrageous, outraged, cranky, sad, happy or whatever I bloody feel like at the time, with relative anonymity. (Especially from the relatives!) In coming weeks as I attempt for the squillionth time to quit smoking, there is likely to be very little funny or happy, and plenty of cranky and sad. Hopefully my ravings (and they will be ravings), will be a therapeutic tool on my way to a healthier, wealthier lifestyle.

So, that's about it.... Welcome, and I would love you to stick around, or just pop your head in occasionally, deliver a swift kick if I'm being particularly painful, or help me celebrate my triumphs.